Accepting yourself is the hardest | How It Feels to Fly

How It Feels to Fly by Kathryn Holmes

Published: June 14th 2016 by HarperTeen

Genre: young adult, contemporary, coming of age

Goodreads summary: The movement is all that matters. 

For as long as Samantha can remember, she’s wanted to be a professional ballerina. She’s lived for perfect pirouettes, sky-high extensions, and soaring leaps across the stage. Then her body betrayed her.

The change was gradual. Stealthy.

Failed diets. Disapproving looks. Whispers behind her back. The result: crippling anxiety about her appearance, which threatens to crush her dancing dreams entirely. On her dance teacher’s recommendation, Sam is sent to a summer treatment camp for teen artists and athletes who are struggling with mental and emotional obstacles. If she can make progress, she’ll be allowed to attend a crucial ballet intensive. But when asked to open up about her deepest insecurities, secret behaviors, and paralyzing fears to complete strangers, Sam can’t cope. 

What I really need is a whole new body.

Sam forms an unlikely bond with Andrew, a former college football player who’s one of her camp counselors. As they grow closer, Andrew helps Sam see herself as he does—beautiful. But just as she starts to believe that there’s more between them than friendship, disappointing news from home sends her into a tailspin. With her future uncertain and her body against her, will Sam give in to the anxiety that imprisons her?

REVIEW

If you didn't know this about me yet: I love ballet. I practiced for ten years (I had to stop to study *sigh*), but I still love to watch. Weirdly enough, I don't read many books about that. So when I heard about How It Feels To Fly, I was determined to read it for the one and only reason that the main character was practicing ballet. It looks like my contemporary mood is here, everyone! *happy dance*

First off, let me tell you that ballet's representation was accurate. When I was reading the description, I could imagine Sam dancing, which might have been easier because I knew the terms, but WHATEVER. While I was never a professional, I also think the book showed how this world actually worked, but also the struggles any dancer had to get through. Yes, your appearance is important in ballet, I won't deny that. For example, in the Opéra de Paris, you have restrictions for weight, but also height (which is pretty stupid as you can't fight it… But aesthetics, you know?), so I could definitely see people giving Sam the hard look as she had gained some weight.

People can be so stupid when they judge

I related so much to Sam as a main character. She had issues with her appearance, especially her weight, and even though it was never my case for the latter, I think that any teenager out there goes through this phase when you're doubting yourself (and even adults), hating how they look and all of that. Because of that, I could understand Sam's struggles and the mantra she had, in the end, made me so happy. We all need to believe in and accept ourselves. This book totally succeeded to pass through this message. Along those lines, Sam was also really insecure and had doubts about who she wanted to be. Because of that, How It Feels to Fly also managed to be a great coming-of-age story, grasping the feeling of doubt and fear for the future.

As this book was set in a camp, the characters had all the fun activities that go along those lines, but they always had a purpose, for they took a part in each camper's therapy. I was expecting so many more characters to be honest, but there was only six campers, two former campers helping around and a doctor. I appreciated the characters so much more because of that, since it allowed me to know all of them, I understood their issues and loved them all. It was also really interesting to see the dynamics between them evolve, as they were so distant in the beginning, because they were artists/athletes, and those are such individual paths, but then grew so close and helped each other out. Katie was by far my favourite of the campers, because she was like the little sister, so much cuteness there.

The little downside of the book was the romance. I admit that I could understand Sam's feelings, because she had a crush on Andrew, an older but not that much figure that helped her when she needed it the most. Sometimes these feelings get so confusing and it happened to me so many times, so I totally related to the romance and got why she was thinking about him so much. But it still took a big step on the story when I would have wanted to see more of the other stuffs. Nevertheless, I was satisfied with how the author concluded on the subject.

Reading about mental health was so interesting in How It Feels to Fly, because it was about how we need to face our fears to evolve. Of course, it's not easy. Of course, it takes all the time in the world. Of course, there is no complete cure and our issues can't leave us forever. This book still managed to depict so many different mental health issues and I felt like it was so important. I especially appreciated that the book was written in the first person, because we got to read Sam's inner voice, which was harsh, but rang true. My inner voice is also insufferable and I'm trying to shut it up every day. It's nice to see I'm not the only one.

Overall, I wasn't blown away by this book or anything, but I still think that it was a great contemporary novel about mental health that had a lighter tone to it, because of the summer camp setting. I definitely related to the main character, because of her struggles and her passion, and found that the author did a great job. I will definitely read Kathryn Holmes' next works.

Have you read this book yet? What did you think of it? Do you read books about ballet? If so, do you have some recs for me?

Where I have a new favourite contemporary author | Reviews of Emery Lord's novels

As you all know, it's supposed to be summer now, but the weather is so bad in France, it feels like November most days… *sigh* But because the weather is supposed to be warmer, I found myself to be in a contemporary mood lately, which I'm really happy about, as it's been a while. I discovered a new author, Emery Lord, whom I was following on Twitter (if you're not, you should, she's hilarious) and it was time to catch up on the three novels she already wrote. She's now one of my favourite contemporary authors and I will read anything she writes. So now, I shall try to convince you to read all of her books.

Open Road Summer by Emery Lord

Published: April 15th 2014 by Walker Children

Genre: young adult, contemporary, romance

Goodreads summary: After breaking up with her bad-news boyfriend, Reagan O’Neill is ready to leave her rebellious ways behind. . . and her best friend, country superstar Lilah Montgomery, is nursing a broken heart of her own.

Fortunately, Lilah’s 24-city tour is about to kick off, offering a perfect opportunity for a girls-only summer of break-up ballads and healing hearts. But when Matt Finch joins the tour as its opening act, his boy-next-door charm proves difficult for Reagan to resist, despite her vow to live a drama-free existence.

This summer, Reagan and Lilah will navigate the ups and downs of fame and friendship as they come to see that giving your heart to the right person is always a risk worth taking.

A fresh new voice in contemporary romance, Emery Lord’s gorgeous writing hits all the right notes.

REVIEW

This first novel felt like Taylor Swift's story through the eyes of her best friend, if I had to sum it up in one sentence. I'm pretty sure it was the author's goal, because Dee was from Tennessee and sang country music. Lord depicted accurately the music business world and she even included Dee's songs, which was a welcome bonus. For example, the title of the book is actually one of Dee's songs and it made so much sense, I loved it. Reagan also was passionate about photography and I loved hearing about it, since I'm not the best in this area (far from it, ha!).

Lord's characters felt pretty real, because they were flawed, especially Reagan, since she had family issues, had gone to jail, had problems with boys and used to drink/smoke. I know some readers didn't connect with her, but I found her to be truly human and I could believe she was real. Moreover, she went through a lot of character development during the book and her trust issues weren't as strong in the end, she started to open up to her stepmother for example. To balance Reagan, the author introduced Dee, the famous singer, who seemed to be the light to Reagan's darkness, but her life was so much more complicated than that. It was interesting seeing what happened between the stage and how it could affect someone's life, when we almost had the same age.

Yes, this book is a romance novel, but in my opinion, it focused so much more on the friendship between Reagan and Dee. At some point, Reagan even said that she didn't want to be the girl who ditches her best friend for a boy and it's pretty rare (I mean I've been this girl but I've understood my mistakes) in YA contemporary fiction. However, I feltthat the attraction between Matt and Reagan was pretty instantaneous, but I still liked the way Lord built their relationship. Moreover, we actually got to see them together a little, when most of the time, it ends on the main characters getting together, but I need the cuteness! I totally got it so my heart was so happy. Nevertheless, I didn't like all the drama at some point, it made me so frustrated because with some communication it could have been solved way sooner, but anyway. At least the ending made me hope for the characters.

The Start of Me and You by Emery Lord

Published: March 31st 2015 by Bloomsbury

Genre: young adult, contemporary

Goodreads summary: It’s been a year since it happened—when Paige Hancock’s first boyfriend died in an accident. After shutting out the world for two years, Paige is finally ready for a second chance at high school . . . and she has a plan. First: Get her old crush, Ryan Chase, to date her—the perfect way to convince everyone she’s back to normal. Next: Join a club—simple, it’s high school after all. But when Ryan’s sweet, nerdy cousin, Max, moves to town and recruits Paige for the Quiz Bowl team (of all things!) her perfect plan is thrown for a serious loop. Will Paige be able to face her fears and finally open herself up to the life she was meant to live?

REVIEW

When I finished this novel, I strongly felt like this is a contemporary book I would have liked to read when I was younger and I would recommend it to everyone, as it became one of my favourites. Even though this novel felt more typical in contemporary, with its high school setting, I felt like it stood out and I will think about it for a very long time. Also, can we talk about the Open Road Summer reference??? Someone mentioned Dee since she's a famous singer and I almost cried of happiness. It totally gets bonus points for that.

This novel followed Paige, who was still trying to get over the death of her first boyfriend, which was heart-wrenching. I liked that even though she was trying to live a 'normal' life again, she didn't want to be fixed, because she didn't have to, when it's sometimes the message. Her high school experience was realistic and she had parents who wanted to shield her and prevent her to go out all the time (gasp, those exist? #sarcasm). She had to deal with so many family troubles and I especially liked her relationship with her grandmother (who just one the first place on my 'favourite fictional  grandparents' non-existent list). It had many family moments and showed that even when you're a teenager, family comes first.

Just like in Open Road Summer, Emery Lord excelled at writing friendships. Here, it was between four girls and then they formed new bonds and broaden their group, which I really liked seeing. It was just a squad goal case here, I loved it so much. These girls all had their storylines and I grew fond of all of them. I would also like to mention that one of them is in an abusive relationship and it was addressed wonderfully, which I was thankful for. Even if we want to be loved, we can't stay with someone who clearly doesn't deserve us, even if we don't want to be alone. It's a message a lot of teenagers should hear, truly.

Finally, I loved the romance, because it was a friendship before evolving to something else. It just made perfect sense for the characters to fall for each other, because they knew so much about each other and helped each other. It was just beautiful and an example of what a good friendship was, even though it evolved in a romance. They only got together at the end of the novel (like the title suggested) so I would love to see what happens next, because I grew fond of everyone and I just need more.

When We Collided by Emery Lord

Published: April 7th 2016 by Bloomsbury Children's

Genre: young adult, contemporary, mental health, romance

Goodreads summary: Meet Vivi and Jonah: A girl and a boy whose love has the power save or destroy them.

Vivi and Jonah couldn't be more different. Vivi craves anything joyful or beautiful that life can offer. Jonah has been burdened by responsibility for his family ever since his father died. As summer begins, Jonah resigns himself to another season of getting by. Then Vivi arrives, and suddenly life seems brighter and better. Jonah is the perfect project for Vivi, and things finally feel right for Jonah. Their love is the answer to everything. But soon Vivi's zest for life falters, as her adventurousness becomes true danger-seeking. Jonah tries to keep her safe, but there's something important Vivi hasn't told him.

Perfect for fans of E. Lockhart and Jandy Nelson, When We Collided is a powerful story of two teens whose love is put to the test by forces beyond their control.

REVIEW

I was a little apprehensive when I started this one, because it dealt with mental illnesses and I had no idea how the author would handle it. I found it to be pretty realistic - even if I have no experience around bipolar disorder - and it wasn't about curing it. Yes, the characters were trying to find solutions, but to deal with it. Because of that aspect, When We Collided was pretty intense and I was totally invested into the story (I read it in one afternoon, so yessss).

The setting was perfect for a summer read. The book took place in Verona Cove, a small town in California where everyone knew each other. It made the book a little lighter, when most topics were so serious. I was definitely on a rollercoaster of emotions with this one, as I laughed, cried and fell in love with the Daniels family (but more on that in a second). I loved the ending of the book, even if it was more of an open-ending, which I don't really like most of the time. It wasn't about the characters getting their happy endings, but working to get their lives together and it felt so realistic, as it's a contemporary novel, so it was set in our world. I wouldn't say no to a sequel actually, because I would love to read about these characters again.

I actually liked Vivi, even if in real life, she would have been too much for my introvert self, but Jonah is definitely the character who won my heart. He was taking care of his brothers and sisters and worked at a restaurant. Big families is something I love to read about, and it was so funny to see that these six kids divided themselves between "the bigs" and "the littles", because that's how it is in my family. So basically, I related so much to Jonah and I loved it. He's just a precious cinnamon roll and I want everyone to love him. The romance started as instalove, so I wasn't a big fan of that, but I could understand why, you know? Both characters were at tough parts of their lives and they needed someone. Their relationship was so poisonous however… Also, this book wasn't about "love can win everything" and I enjoyed that aspect immensely, as it's way more complicated than that.

Have you read any of Emery Lord's books? Which one is your favourite? What's your favourite contemporary novel?

The Brontë's worlds were MORE than fictional | Worlds of Ink and Shadow

Worlds of Ink and Shadow by Lena Coakley

Published: January 5th 2016 by Amulet Books

Genre: young adult, fantasy, historical

Goodreads summary: Charlotte, Branwell, Emily, and Anne. The Brontë siblings find escape from their constrained lives via their rich imaginations. The glittering world of Verdopolis and the romantic and melancholy world of Gondal literallycome to life under their pens, offering the sort of romance and intrigue missing from their isolated parsonage home. But at what price? As Branwell begins to slip into madness and the sisters feel their real lives slipping away, they must weigh the cost of their powerful imaginations, even as the characters they have created—the brooding Rogue and dashing Duke of Zamorna—refuse to let them go.

Gorgeously written and based on the Brontës’ juvenilia, Worlds of Ink and Shadow brings to life one of history’s most celebrated literary families in a thrilling, suspenseful fantasy.

REVIEW

If you didn't know, I'm a huge fan of the Brontë sisters, even though I haven't read that much by them. Nevertheless, I've always been compelled to learn about them and when I heard about this book, I knew I had to read it. This book made me want to read all of their works even more than before, so it totally worked in that sense. I'm left craving for more of their writing and I'll do something about it soon.

I felt like this book was quite unique, with its imaginary worlds created by writing about them, it was quite interesting. This concept of traveling to them was based off a folktale, which I could totally picture in the 19th century moor. It was so mysterious the whole time and I loved the explanation. The fact that it was about these imaginary worlds the characters could access reminded me of the Gemma Doyle trilogy by Libba Bray, in a way, because it was as eerie and a little scary. But I didn't read this book at night so this effect was a little lost on me.

However, while I was interested by this concept, I was totally underwhelmed during the whole book. I kept reading, but I never got the spark that pushed me to read until I was done. For me, it was quite a slow book, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, because it got along with the atmosphere of this book, it's just that I was never hooked (which is a little sad). Moreover, I would have liked to see more of the madness mentioned in the synopsis. Yes, they were seeing things but it lasted for a couple of chapters and it didn't actually feel like madness.

My motivation to keep going lied in the Brontë siblings, because I love them so much and it felt close to their actual stories. Indeed, the author said she had based her novel upon their work, even though she had taken some liberties. I loved that it truly showed the power of words, but also how sometimes, the characters do whatever they want, even if you are the writer. However, I would have liked to know more about Anne. I know that she's the youngest of the four, but I couldn't quite picture her motivations, when I understood Branwell, Emily and Charlotte completely. Moreover, what happened in those fictional worlds felt like the beginning of something bigger, namely the novels of the Brontë sisters and I could see Heathcliff in Rogue or Mr. Dorchester in Zamora.

However, while I liked reading about the Brontë siblings, I think that they were unmemorable characters and that I will only remember them because they existed in real life. While the book was unique, I never felt like the characters truly shone and it was just the same for the fictional characters, that they had created to be huge clichés. I didn't came to care for any of them. For the romance, it felt just the same, I had definitely seen it coming and it was just okay for me.

Overall, this one had potential and I don't regret reading it, because I learnt a lot about the Brontë siblings, whom are my little babies. The concept was definitely interesting and the author did her research, but because I didn't actually love the characters and I wanted a more fast-paced plot, it didn't do it entirely for me. But now I want to read all the books by the sisters.

Have you read this book yet? Do you love the Brontë's sisters? Have you read any of their books?